Here’s a really dull intro to a restaurant review – a set of directions. But there’s a reason.
The newly-opened Original Patty Men restaurant is so close to the Bullring that even a hipster wearing the tightest of trousers would be able to walk there without too much testicular trauma.
And, even if his privates were pummelled to the point of becoming a puree, it would be worth the trek. It’s good enough to have attracted Simpson’s chefs to scoff there.
But it’s hard to find so take notes, children.
Stroll down the hill at the side of Moor Street Station and, to your left, is a bridge. Walk below it and, on the right hand side of a grimy road opposite a cinema that doesn’t seem to be mainstream, is an opening on which there are railway arches, one of which accommodates OPM.
Congrats. You’ve made it and avoided the horrible chains that bully our city centre with their rubbish food.
There’s an edgy urban feel to this small but perfectly formed place – lots of metalwork, exposed brick and cheap wood scrawled with graffiti. It’s very Shoreditch. Only without the overpriced cereals.
Those who know the OPM from Brum’s thriving street food scene will know that they serve very fine burgers – often combining unusual ingredients in ways that deliver mighty flavours.
Thus the burger that I ordered came on a glazed ring doughnut – though, in truth, I chose it simply because I gained infantile pleasure in asking, Frankie Howerd-style, for a Krispy Ring.
As it happens, it was very good – the sweetness of the doughnut contrasting beautifully with a deeply-flavoured and moist beef patty and the tangy cheese and relishes, rashers of crisp maple-coated bacon echoing the sugariness of the doughnut.
Elsewhere on my table more classic burgers were getting rave reviews and one featuring crushed pork scratchings rendered its eater, unusually, almost speechless.
I wasn’t knocked out by the skin-on fries, though. I’m not sure skin-on chips ever achieve the crispness of property peeled ones, even when they are triple cooked.
A sort of squidgy chocolate cheesecake from the short dessert menu was childishly good.
This isn’t a place to linger – it’s a place serving good, hearty and tasty fast food at a fair price. But the guys know their stuff, are professional and welcoming.
Need to know
Expect to spend around £10 for a burger and fries.
OPM serves take-aways as well as sit-in food.
There’s a veggie option for those so inclined.